So many milestones. So little time. In a week I'm moving from this house into a house with a married couple that I know. They are really great, and I look at this as a step forward in life. I'm still taking pictures, sometimes even making money doing it. I like my job, and I love my friends. They are so supportive of me in every part of my life. I've even made some new friends lately, friends who I know will be a part of my life for years to come. Maybe even forever.
The photo attached to this post is a simple one. I set up my tripod, aimed my camera at the sky, and pressed the button. I took a flashlight and aimed it at the light post so it would actually show up. The light at the top of the post didn't even work. No tricks, just a simple photo. A simple, meaningless light post as the foreground of the most amazing universe I could never even fathom. This earth is so big, and we're just a speck in the galaxy, which is just a speck in the whole of things.
I feel so small. I want to feel small. There are days when my mind gets the best of me, and I feel even smaller. I don't believe the words I read, or hear. I become a skeptic. Writing these thoughts out for nobody to read seem to make things better.
I long to love as God loves me. Unconditionally. It's possible, and maybe even unavoidable. I don't look at the new year as the year I will love. I don't look at this as the month I will love. I look at this life as a whole, and know that I will someday love unconditionally. No time frame, although I will admittedly say that I hope this is the year! Love takes time, and that's what I have. I'm excited.
Surprisingly enough, just now after writing that did I remember that this is the month of Valentine's Day. Know that my motives in writing this post have nothing to do with that day. As I said, this life is a whole. Not a day. When I know who/how to love, it will be eternal, and not confined to the middle of February. I will give 100% of myself, and I will expect nothing in return.
Until then, I will feel like the light post in this photo. Not working, not lighting the ground on dark nights. Just the foreground of an amazing universe. Although I must say that I feel as if somebody is playing the part of me, and pointing a flashlight my way to light me up. It's working. I can feel it!