One Year Since My World Broke To Pieces

Wonderful Husband
Originally uploaded by jonnyups.

March 18th, 2007 was a day like any other. I was sitting at church in a meeting when I got a text message from my mom. "In the ER with dad, thinks he has pneumonia. Possible mass in his lungs instead. PRAY."

I went silent in this meeting. Nobody in the room existed. The lump in my throat was huge and breathing became a physical pain. I wasn't going to cry, there was so much uncertainty in her text message. Through a series of tests, it was confirmed to be a mass in his lungs. Then later confirmed to be Stage 4 cancer. Most of you know the story ... it progressed until we lost him in December of the same year.

He was a smoker who quit too late, and his body lost the fight. I will never smoke. I am truly repulsed by the act of smoking. It's something so simple that took something so great from me.

One year ago today, my world shattered into pieces. I'm still picking those up. I was changed through this event. Some good, some bad.

I never believed people when they said they miss somebody everyday. Now I do.

5 Months And Counting...

Emma @ 5 Months 4
Originally uploaded by jonnyups.

My super cute niece, Emma, is just over 5 months old now. Her daddy got her an M&M's outfit of "Green" and she looked adorable in it. I have been taking photos of her on the 3rd of every month, since her day of birth (October 3rd, 2007).

This entry was just to show you how cute she is.

I'm heading up to Big Bear for the weekend. A good time of personal silence, and hopefully some picture taking.

I Saw A Caterpiller
Originally uploaded by jonnyups.

I have a sinking feeling you wrote about me today. You don't even read this blog.

I'm fine. In a sincere way, I'm fine. I'm not ok, at all. My heart is feeling more pain these days than ever before. But I'm fine, and I honestly appreciate you thinking enough to write. Even if it wasn't aimed in my direction. ps. I'm not afraid of you saying hi.

In other news...

The picture associated with this post is one I took this last Saturday on a photo excursion with some friends. When I first started taking pictures of this faucet, I only saw a faucet. There was dripping water, some rust, the usual. So this picture is to remind us of something. It's to remind us that there are things in life that are obvious. The funny thing is, the obvious in this case, was the little creature that I didn't see. How did I not see the obvious? Has life grown to such a speed that I can't look down and see what's in front of me?


Here we are before You, we're falling on our knees
Crying out for a savior, we're crying out for You to see.

Here we are, we're crippled and we're failing
Here we are, we're falling, can You see...

That You're the only one who came for me
So rescue me, I'm desperate for You, my broken heart is calling for You
'Cause You're the only one who can save me
So save me I'm in desperation, save me I've been waiting for You, Lord.

(listen to "Rescue Me" by Joel Hosler)


`jonnyups

My Coast
Originally uploaded by jonnyups.

So this "Life Changing" news I posted about earlier...

A week ago Sunday, my dad had finally had enough of his neck pain, so he went to the Urgent Care place we always go to if we need it. They took an x-ray and found that his arthritis had returned...but they also found a questionable mass in his lungs. So they went to get a cat-scan to see if it was cancer or pneumonia. It ended up being a lump, presumably cancerous. I thought we would find out today what it was, but not quite yet. This week they will do some bronchialslidfaslkdjflas something or other test to see if they can determine what it is, then they'll biopsy it.

This whole situation makes you love someone in a different way. I have always been close with my parents, but it's different now. I don't know. I just want this all to be over with so I can know a little more what to expect.

Prayers are definitely welcome!

`jonnyups

Sunny Days
Originally uploaded by jonnyups.

Life-changing news, coming Tuesday, March 27th, 2007.



set your alarms. stay tuned. come back here that night.

thank you,
`jonnyups